When I first starting researching issues facing childsters (my own term I've made up as its much faster than writing "adult children taking care of the their parents...I think there's another term out there, but hey, it wouldn't work for my blog title, now would it?), one of the things I read over and over was that you should not treat your parents as children. And I certainly agreed. But as I went through the process, I found myself protecting my Dad and caring for my Dad like he was my child.
Obviously, he is not a child, and he deserves great respect and love and consideration. But it often feels like I'm dealing with a child, and it's not an irrelevant comparison. Whatever he does, I try to be patient and loving and protective. He makes decisions very much like a child, is easily swayed, and emotionally based as his logical thinking is pretty much gone (not his old personality at all).
One of the things that was hardest for me was the "Control" issue, with a capital C thank you very much. I've spent half my adult life trying not to be controlling. When I took control of my Dad's life, it was full tilt. There was no halfway, as he is a very controlling person himself. I struggled mightily with how to help him feel in control of his life, how to protect him without taking away all his control. It doesn't help being 2,000 miles away. I wonder if they tell you not to treat your parents as children so you will not become too controlling?
I'm inviting my Mom into this Blog to get her thinking on this, as I'm sure it will hit home and she'll have a few choice words on the matter.
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